Comments on: Superficial happiness & coping

By: castorgirl

castorgirl — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 00:45:11 +0000

I look at what I wrote last year as being clinical facts – nothing more, nothing less. I know I was very shakey last year and very out of touch with pretty much everything. It was a real slam in the stomach to get his birthday reminder back then.

I’ve just spent today’s session with Liz talking about whether I obsess over anniversaries too much. I possibly do, but often I’m unaware of them until a week or so before the date and then they overwhelm me too easily. I’m not quite sure how to bring a balance to my approach.

I agree we seem to have to get worse before we get better, but how much worse????

Take care,
CG

By: Kerro

Kerro — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 10:52:37 +0000

Oh my lordy yes indeedy I see progress. Just look at the blog post you wrote this time last year. I see real progress!

Sometimes I reckon things really do get worse before they get better because we start dealing with all the yuk stuff that’s been festering underneath the “superficial happiness” for so long. It does get better though – I’ve had glimpses of that, just wish it would hang around for longer.

Take care you. ((CG))

By: castorgirl

castorgirl — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 01:22:46 +0000

Can you really see healing? In many ways I feel worse than I did last year, but that is possibly because I can feel it more.

The superficial happiness is often easier for those around us, which is possibly why we do it so consistently over time before the healing begins.

By: castorgirl

castorgirl — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 01:08:54 +0000

Yes, it’s a very disconnected feeling… quite surreal at times and most certainly a roller-coaster as there is no sense of being in control. But it does give us a break from trying to work it through and keep up appearances.

By: castorgirl

castorgirl — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 01:06:19 +0000

Thank you (((Amy))) Your friendship and support means a great deal to me. You knew me while I was still with him, but I don’t think I ever told you what was happening at the time. I am glad to be free of him, I just wish my brain would stop playing PTSD games on me!

Take care of you and yours,
CG :)

By: Kerro

Kerro — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 09:30:34 +0000

I’m so sorry, Anniversaries, birthdays, festive seasons. They are all rough. I second Amy’s comment from last year: “Thank god you’re away from him.” In a way I’m glad that there are good things you can see you miss, but no way are they worth what he subjected you to.

I was in “superficial happiness” my whole life. Until just over a year ago when my therapist found the key to pandora’s box. And here we are.

In an unrelated post I can see “healing” in your blog posts since last year. You have come a long way. Kudos to you.

Safe hugs.

By: Paul

Paul — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 02:26:16 +0000

“Superficial happiness”… I’ve never quite thought of it like that. I understand it. I think of it as a quite natural response. It’s a distraction. It allows us to cope. It gives us some relief. It can make things feel a bit disconnected though and can make the experience be more a roller coaster of sorts.

But if you need to do the superficial happiness to cope then go for it. It does work.

By: Amy

Amy — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:02:50 +0000

I know that it all sucks, I can remember this time last year. You are doing well, you’re away from him, that is so important. I’m here for you, as are all your other online support system :) *hugs*