I’m going to try my best. A few other thing have come up this week which mean that one session won’t be enough time to raise them all. My problem is to try an prioritise them, and I’m not really sure how to do that. I think this is part of my problem with therapy as a whole, I get overwhelmed with all of the issues and words being thrown at me internally that I don’t know how to cope so shut it all down and end up freezing.

One day at a time…

Take care,
CG

Yes, S is more than sex. Sex is just a way she copes. But there is a lot underneath all of that. This is what I hope you get to know.

S has a very important job in your system. Her issues, which are all of your issues, deserve to be talked about. Whether you or S talks to Liz doesn’t much matter. But at this point, you have too much awareness of what it’s all about to not bring it up. I hope you do.

Paul

You know about healing, you’ve done so much growing and changing over the short time that I’ve known you. It’s always good to get another perspective, thank you :)

I think I could talk about it in a very detached way, and maybe that’s the place to start. I can sometimes do that, it’s sort of like reading the newspaper headlines, but the headlines are events from the past. Possibly if I start there and see what the reaction is…

Have to think about this some more and see if I can get some internal communication going.

Take care,
B

My stomach churns at the thought of being emotionally naked, and I don’t think S would like that either as she has huge walls erected against any sort of emotion. But then again, it might be what we all need.

Take care,
B

It’s definitely a leap forward in my thinking about S. To finally admit that she is not a two dimension label of convenience is big for me. It was difficult to separate what she represents (sex) and what she actually is (a hurt 13 year old girl).

It’s rather scary that I have the most communication throughout the system, and I know so little about her. She shows her disdain for me quite openly and will often smirk at me when I ask her a question or try to communicate with her. She has talked to therapists in the past, but only briefly as they didn’t know how to cope with her rather belligerent attitude. If I warn Liz, we might be able to make some progress. S might be more willing to talk to Liz rather than me. Although she did say “about time” when she read the post after this one – about me being thick :) I think acknowledgement is going to play a huge part in her healing, and some positive attention. It may take some time as we’ll need to build some trust.

Take care,
B

If your thinking about discussing it with Liz, it will likely happen, S deserves it. Hang in there and let it happen when it will.

FWIW, I think it is perfectly possible to respect someone and be afraid of that person at the same time. In fact, I think it’s pretty common.

I think the reason for this has to do with balances of power. S, as a strong part, has a lot of power within your system. While she is cut off from you, and while communication is limited, that power is also held separate from you, so it makes perfect sense to me that you would fear her, or that members of the system would fear her, while also recognizing her value and her strength.

Maybe rather than talking to Liz, if that seems too much too soon, the next step might be to talk to S, and ask her if she knows what she needs you to do next toward her healing?