*sigh*

One of those eight other options HAS to be better than this one!

Much love to you over the holidays — I’ll be thinking of you.

Reading this post made me shudder. Where on earth some therapists get their ideas is beyond me. Personally I don’t think there is any way to integrate parts when you don’t know who they are or what they do — I think your instincts about that are right on. If those parts have not had the chance to explain and heal some from why they were separate in the first place, then odds are they still need to be separate. (Is this rocket science??) As for the “toe the line or else” threat… I don’t see that she had any right to imply such a thing when it is regarding what you want out of your therapy. And integrating under threat is never going to work anyway. I’m glad you’ve decided to find someone who is a better match for you, and I wish you well in your therapist search!

David, we're only now thinking about the power dynamics of the therapeutic relationship. It seems very skewed in her favour at times. Part of this is because we are unable to communicate our problems and concerns fully. Our level of education gives the illusion of us being able to communicate – and some of us can through writing. But she doesn't accept us bringing in anything in the written format – it has to be vocalised and we don't have the confidence or skills to vocalise some things.

We'll go therapist hunting after the holidays. Considering we only have 8 to choose from, it will be a short search.

Hoping you and your cats have a good holiday season… they are training you well my friend :)

Take care
M & Sophie :)

The power dynamic implied in “hiding” the methodology also seems to me highly counterintuitive for dealing with a trauma client. I’ve had past therapists who have given me ultimatums of one kind or another, and was amazed when my current therapist said, “I’ll never do that, because loss of voluntary autonomy was a key factor in traumatizing you in the first place — so why would I ever want to retraumatize you in the same way? You’d never be able to trust me at all, if I did that … if I tried to make you comply with my agenda, by threatening you with consequences.”

I’d like this attitude to go out as an APB to all of the crazed therapists that people seem to be dealing with these days.

My favorite client word was “No.” It told me they were making decisions based on how they felt rather than what I might say could be an approach.

I honestly don’t know DBT, but any method that helps the client meet the client’s goals for healing is good. It’s not up to client’s to meet the therapist’s goals!

The part when she said that if we didn’t want to change we may as well not see her or anyone, just sent chills through us. It’s just our interpretation of the words, but it felt very much like a threat or warning to toe the line. I know this wasn’t the case, but again it indicates that we don’t trust her enough to do basic questioning to establish the meaning behind her words. Instead we freeze and panic.

We’re going therapist seeking after the New Year holidays – most of them are on holiday at the moment.

Take care and hoping that you have a good holiday season…
M.

It also seems odd that Bob doesn’t want you to research the methodology. I think intelligent people are a lot more likely to comply when they respect and understand the plan of action.