Scattered pieces

Hmmm going to have to stop writing triggering entries… This might trigger, I don’t know.

Last night was a BAD night. The need to escape was overpowering. We managed to get it down to a level of needing to run with some quick action by Management. So we got in the car and drove. We know we shouldn’t of, but it’s the only way to fulfill that need to run… to escape…

We drove well while in town – there is still the desire not to hurt anyone else. But as soon as we hit the open road it was all on. It was pitch black. There were few other cars on the road and the road had many bends. We don’t know who drove, but we became aware of things again when we reached Cambridge. Just sat on the side of the road shaking. Trying to find some way of grounding us into the present. We pulled into a service station and brought some cold drink to try and snap us back to reality.

Our next moment of awareness is behind the wheel driving at 140 kph straight at a retaining wall at a corner in the road. There was a fleeting feeling of glee as which ever part left and we came back. I think the only thing that forced the switch back was that there were cars coming in the other direction around the corner. If we’d kept going any longer we would’ve hit those cars and killed the drivers at least. We ran off the road as we swerved to miss the cars. But no one got hurt.

We managed to get home. Don’t ask me how, I don’t remember. I know there was panic. I know we called for help – before, during and after getting into the car. I know we could’ve hurt someone. I know we’re going to have to face what is causing us to want to run very soon.

We’re back to the derealisation, the depersonalisation. As soon as we stop talking to anyone, we’re back into the internal world. We’re not coping… We’re angry that we’re not coping…