Scattered pieces

Where is it safe to just relax and play cards online????
We have chronic sleeping problems so often spend time during the night online just wasting time and distracting ourselves. Usually this isn’t a problem. We go play Yahoo games and just try to chill out for a bit. But far out today has been so bad with people just starting a game to only want to talk sex! Usually you can tell from their names what they want, so you either don’t sit at the table or leave the table straight away. But sometimes it takes you by surprise.
Usually we can play other games – we download free 1 hour trial games and play them, but when we run out of those trials we have to go back to the online games again.
It’s just so disgusting and so degrading. Sometimes we get caught like deer in the headlights and just start switching. Sometimes the ones who are meant to please men come forward and do their thing – making us all feel disgusted. We don’t know how to stop them. We’re terrified of telling our therapist about them as it just feels so disgusting to have a part of this brain that is solely wired for pleasing men at any expense. We know the reasons why they’re there; they saved us from greater hurting many times in the past. But how do we break that pattern? We know we’re going to have to face it all soon, but it makes the rational part of our brain think that we encouraged or asked for some of the abuse.
Amazing how something as stupid as a man in a card game asking us what sort of lingerie we wore would bring up all this rubbish again…